In our March meeting we held our annual and much liked ‘ethical dilemmas’ session...
Some Ethical Dilemma sessions are quick fire, but this one led to some in-depth discussion, expertly chaired as ever by Sam Becker. First up was “What do you do if you are asked to be a godparent in church? You are not religious but you don’t want to upset the relative who asked you.” Roman explained that in the Roman Catholic church the priest would probably check you out but in the Church of England, the vicar might not enquire too closely as to the faith of the godparents.
Some people at the meeting said they would never go into a church and say something that wasn’t true. Others admitted they had done it, and not worried too much about the letter of the vows. One or two people were Humanist celebrants who take naming ceremonies, and they said that even non-religious parents sometimes stick to the term ‘godparent’ but don’t ask them to make any religious commitments. The discussion raised the interesting question as to how far generic vows made at Christenings can be genuinely felt by all the individuals who commit to them, in contrast to humanist namings where parents and guideparents choose what commitments they want to make.
Next up was the dilemma: Should parents expect their children to look after them in old age? This evoked a wide range of responses from “No!” and “Parents have the right to hope but not expect” to “Absolutely yes. I don’t expect them to give me personal care but I do expect them to check I am ok and take responsibility to ensure I am being looked after well if I am in a care home. Who will do it if they don’t?” One person said, “Anything we do for our parents, we do for love.” Ie not because they have to but because they choose to. Another said they did a lot for their parents out of a sense of duty, but would not wish that on their own children.
Not everyone has children, which raises the question of how far we should expect society to care for elderly people anyway, and step in if there are no relatives who can help. It was also asked whether it is acceptable to decide on what a child should do before they are even born. Is it their fate to care for their parents? Shouldn’t they have a choice? One member with several children turned the equation on its head and said she wouldn’t want to live with most of them because they were too different to her or had lifestyles that made it impossible. Ie there was no ‘should’ about it, only what was practical. Would you want someone to look after you if they didn’t want to?
The next dilemma was putting a real life situation under the spotlight: my son is in trouble at school for defacing a bible – I have been asked to attend an assembly and take part in an apology – should I? Humanists UK were campaigning against the suspension of four pupils at a school in Wakefield, seemingly for causing minor damage to a copy of the Quran. It seems to have happened as a result of children teasing each other. The final question was, would you euthanise your cat if the government said we had to because they were spreading covid? (This was a real possibility discussed in Matt Hancock’s WhatsApp messages.) Indignant cat owners said they would just keep their cat indoors. Sorted.
