Non-religious carols
We had a great party in December and the best thing was singing! We held a ‘Carol Competition’ to see who could write the best non-religious words to a Christmas carol, and then, to the able accompaniment of Phil Walder on guitar, we sang the entries. Who knew the group contained so many fine (and/or enthusiastic) voices.
Satirical verses dominated, but there were a few more serious entries too: see below if you would like to read them.
Thank you to all those who donated food for our Christmas collection for Action for Refugees in Lewisham. And for bringing books for the auction which raises money for the group.
We Three Knights of Westminster Are
By Tony Brewer
We three knights of Westminster are,
Seeking trade we travel afar.
Beijing, Brussels,
Flex our muscles,
Following yonder star.
O, Star of Brexit, Star of Light
Free us from the EU’s sight.
Control our borders,
No more orders,
Stop the regulation blight
First we want a cheap divorce,|
With the smallest cost, of course,
Human rights and
Border fights –
Goodbye to them, no remorse.
O, Star of Brexit, etc.
Then we want a free trade deal,
WTO has great appeal,
Lose the City
(More’s the pity)
Who cares if the bankers squeal.
O, Star of Brexit, etc.
Finally we’ll be on our own,
With no one else to make us moan,
Isolated,
Future fated
With all of our options blown.
O, Star of Brexit, etc.
Away in a Manger
Agnostic Carol by David Smart
AWAY IN A MANGER
THEY ARE BUILDING A WALL
THE OLD ARAB FARMHOUSE
IS DESTINED TO FALL
BULLDOZERS ARE COMING
GET OUT OF THEIR WAY
ONCE THEY HAVE PASSED OVER
THERE IS NO PLACE TO STAY
THEY ARE BUILDING NEW HOUSES
BUT THERE’S NO PLACE FOR YOU
THEY ARE NOT FOR THE ARAB
ALL RESERVED FOR THE JEW
SO ONCE WHERE LORD JESUS
LAID DOWN FOR HIS SLEEP
THEY HAVE PUSHED OUT THE SHEPHERD|
AND SLAUGHTERED HIS SHEEP
SO WHAT CAN WE SAY
AT THIS TIME OF GOOD CHEER
THAT WE CAN’T RESIST THEM
THEY FILL US WITH FEAR
WE WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT
THAT HATRED WOULD CEASE
SO THAT JEW AND THE GENTILE
MIGHT BOTH LIVE IN PEACE
O Come All Ye Thoughtful
by Libby Oakden
O Come All Ye Thoughtful
Joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye to reason and light.
Come and behold life,
Evolving and imperfect;
O come, let us adore life,
O come, let us adore life,
O come, let us adore life,
At Darwin’s Knee.
O Sing, choirs of people,
Sing in salutation,
Sing all viewers of Attenborough’s earth.
Give Gregor Mendel glory in the Highest;
O come, let us adore life… At Darwin’s knee.
Hail! folk, we greet thee,
On this happy morning,
O love! All ye cherish natures’ awe.
Wisdom of people, all from thought created;
O come, let us adore life… At Darwins Knee.
SELHuG Song – to the tune of ‘Oh Come All Ye Faithful’
By Barbara Chandler
Oh come, ye of SELHuG,
Come and join our gath’ring
Oh come, do be with us and sit round the hall…
Tea, coffee biscuits,
Chat and laughter monthly…
Oh list’ning and debating,
Oh list’ning and debating,
Oh list’ning and debating
Life, death and all.
The First No Deal (Christmas Not Carols)
By Phil Walder:
G D
The first no deal
C G
The EU did say
C D
Was to poor David Davis
C G
In Brussels in May
G D
In Brussels where he
C G
Tried to agree
C D C G
But the chasm between was proving too deep.
G D C G
No deal No deal No deal No deal
C D C G
We’ll soon be poorer than ‘Isreal’
G D
They looked up
C G
and saw a clause
C D C G
That meant a hard border around the north
G D
And to the DUP
C G
it gave great might
C D C G
And so it continued both day and night.
No deal…
G D
And when Teresa May
C G
Was looking quite weak
C D C G
Three wise men to the media did speak
G D
To seek to be King
C G
was their intent,
C D C G
And to follow ambition wherever it went.
No deal…
G D
Then entered in
C G
those wise men three,
C D C G
Fell reverently down upon their knee,
G D
And offered Michel B
C G
in his presence
C D C G
Their gold and sterling and free movements
No deal…
G D
Then let us all
C G
Look towards the new year
C D C G
And hope for a bit of seasonal cheer
G D
But 2018 is
C G
most likely to be
C D C G
Like the last 18 months -And we know what that means
No deal…
Ding Dong Merrily on High
by Hester Brown
Ding dong merrily on high
Big Ben’s no longer ringing
The bongs you hear on Radio 4
Are just an old recording
Fa-lalalalalalaa – lalalalalalaa – lalalalalalaa – lalalalalalaa – lalalalalala-a-a,
Westminster is a’crumbling.
Brexit’s also on a loop,
The talks la-la are endless
No-one’s going to be pleased
With the final outcome
Fa-lala… Theresa’s in a tizzie.
E’en so here below, below
The people need distracting
Behold we know the very thing:
Another Royal Wedding!
Fa-lala… here’s to a Merry Christmas.
While Darwin Viewed… to the melody of ‘As Shepherds Watched Their Flocks’
HMG/ TB
While Darwin viewed a fox at night,
In his study at Down House,
Took root and grew through nous.
‘Fear much’ thought he, for mighty dread
Had seized his troubled mind,
‘My wife’s a staunch creationist,
Won’t treat this thought so kind.”
To him near Bromley town this night,
Had come a trap for fools,
Evolution is the name he gave,
And reason was its cause.
Adam and Eve are now defunct
And creatures of the past:
Sing ‘Glory Be’ to Charlie D,
Whilst closed minds stand aghast.
The Holly and the Ivy – new verse:
By David Lewis
The poli and the prosti
When they are found in bed,
Of all the pols that are in the house
He-ee represents them all.
Through the printing of the papers
And the running of the film
He-ee says he has no moral guilt
A-and she reaps her reward.
All Things
Barbara Smoker: “Though not strictly speaking a carol, I could not resist parodying the most popular of all British hymns:”
All things grim and horrible,
All creatures doomed to pain
Since predators and parasites
And dread diseases reign –
Were these things planned by thee, O Lord,
When instituting birth?
If so (good God!) has thou then cursed
Our native planet, Earth.
The goddites say specific faith
Bestows prospective bliss –
But how could any other world
Undo the wrongs in this?
If thine the power to make life good
Yet heedless let it be,
What cause have human victims to
Apotheosise thee?
We Four Lads of Liverpool Are
An old favourite of Colin Swinburn’s to the tune of ‘We Three Kings’:
We four lads of Liverpool are
John in a taxi
George in a car
Paul on his scoote,
Tooting the hooter
Following Ringo Starr!
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